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Friday, July 19, 2013

Broken Heart Made New

There has been a song that has helped me through these past few weeks. It's inspired me, and helped me get through each day without feeling sad. Here are the lyrics to Hawk Nelsons song. You can listen to it Here.

                                                    "Every Beat Of My Broken Heart"

This is not what I asked
Not what I prayed for
Are you listening now?
'Cause all that I've built,
All that I've bled for
Is coming undone

But what if it had to be broken
Before my heart could be open?

Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where Your love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
Oh, oh

Maybe it's not what i would've chosen
And I won't understand
But I'm trusting You now
Cause all that I know is
I am safe in Your hands

But what if it had to be broken
Before my heart could be open?

Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where Your love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
Mercy is here with me
Even if I can't see it now
I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart

So break me all the way
'Til we are face to face
When Your work in me is through
Then all that's left is You

Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where You're love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart

Mercy is here with me
Even if I can't see it now
I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
Oh, oh

I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken
Beat of my broken heart




This song has helped me realize that I haven't been fully relying upon the Lord. Sometimes He allows things in our lives to "break" us so we can see Him more clearly. We become so self centered that our hearts harden towards the Lord. When our hearts "break" and something happens in our lives that wakes us up to the Lord, we come closer to Him. He loves us so much. It's a love like no other. One that He gave His son for us. I know we hear that a lot, but losing a baby that I never got to hold, made me realize even more the sacrifice of our Lord. Think of Jesus' mother, who got to hold him, raise him, watch him take his first steps, first words, first scratch. And then she had to watch as a crowd yelled "crucify him!". This was her son! Could you imagine how broken her heart was as a mother? God's love for us is even stronger than that between mother and child. You see, Jesus was His son too, but in human form.

We hear from church all the time that "God loves us". We get so used to the idea of God loving us that we forget about it. We put it aside for later. Until something "bad" happens in your life and then you say "it's ok, God loves me, i'll get through this". And then once we get through that stage, we go back to our self centered lives, and enter the cycle again. I have an idea, lets break the cycle. Lets have a passion for God like no other. Lets wake up the church, lets reach out to those hurting. Lets become a "New Testament" church. A group of people who meet, worship the Lord, helps others (with no self interest in trying to make themselves look better), and reach out to those who are searching for love. Everyone wants to be loved, the sad part is, they don't realize they are loved, loved by God. Why don't they know? Because "church" people are to caught up in building numbers (people and dollars). Oh I've seen it in church's, where you can walk in and no one ever says hi to you. You are just another number to them. And then their worship service is more like a concert that makes them look good. And the people around you aren't singing or hardly, because their hearts really aren't into it. Yes they have a few good people in the church. But you come away from the sermons needing more. They are what I call "fluffy" sermons. Sermons that are meant to please people, not grow them. Preachers are afraid to step on peoples toes. How can we grow if we aren't challenged? 

We have gotten so far away from God, and His Word, that we get comfortable in our routines, forgetting that we need God every day of the week. We need Him every day, not just on Sunday. We need to change how things are in church's that are "fluffy".  "But i'm only one person! One person doesn't make a difference". Yes one person does make a difference. There is a pebble. The pebble says " I can never have an impact on anything". The pebble is then thrown in the water, and it creates ripples all through the pond. You see, even though you are one person, you can influence those around you. You can make a difference. 

Remember this, no matter what you are going through, God loves you. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

June 26, 2013

  June 26, 2013. The day I most likely won’t forget. The day started about 4am for me. I had intense pain in my side. More painful than a kidney stone. I woke my husband up, and he took me to the emergency room. I told them some info about how I was feeling, and within ten minutes I was in a room getting blood drawn. The nurses had that “worried” look on their faces. I was in intense pain, because I didn’t want morphine. So I found out that when I’m in pain, I make jokes and have a sense of humor most people in a hospital don’t have. Within a few hours the results were back. I was pregnant, and I had an ectopic pregnancy. Finding out that I was pregnant and that the baby wouldn’t live was a shock. And then they did the ultrasound. I had internal bleeding. Next thing I knew, I was being transferred to another hospital in an ambulance. By 10am I was in surgery. I don’t remember much after that. I slept for 6 hours, found out that my mom would be flying in the next evening, and still in shock of all that happened. By 5pm the hospital released me, and I came home.

  When I heard about my ectopic pregnancy, I thought it was something that was rare. But 20 out of 1,000 pregnancies are ectopic. Why aren’t woman told about this? Why is it so “secret”? There’s not much out there where other woman are talking about it. I only see articles from doctors or health sites.
Today the shock of the surgery finally wore off, and now the grieving for the child I’ll never hold until we meet in heaven. The Lord has been my comfort in this hard time. These verses have helped me this past week.
 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Psalms 30:5 …Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. Psalms 42:11

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

 

The Lord has taught me a lot, and is still teaching me. If you or a loved one has gone through something similar my heart and prayers go out to those who have been through something like this. It is hard, but remember the Lord loves you, and has his hand in your life.